During the summer after my first year of law school, I obtained a job in the office of the Los Angeles City Attorney. I was assigned to handle in-coming calls from the public to direct the caller to the appropriate unit of the office or to refer him or her to another government entity. Usually the City Attorney assigned this task to newly hired attorneys. Because the job was so onerous, a person was assigned to the "public desk" on a two-week rotation. I did it for two months. My success in performing the job prompted the City Attorney to offer me a full-time position. I was tempted to accept it. Then receiving Aid to the Blind of $313 a month, I was enticed by the monthly salary of $1,049.

Before making my decision, I talked with Harvey, the friend who recommended that I attend law school. His advice was that I return to school instead of taking the full-time job. He warned that interrupting my educational pursuit might result in my never completing law school. I followed Harvey's advice and turned down the job offer.

However, my finishing law school at the University of Southern California was almost interrupted by my desire to be with Andrea. I was in love, or at least I thought I was in love with the young lady whom I met while attending Yale. She herself was not a Yale student but lived in New Haven where Yale is located. At the time that I was in law school, she was attending college in Boston. As much as my limited income would allow me to pay the telephone bill, I talked with her as often as I could. I loved her voice. I loved the way she made me feel when we talked. The pleasure of the experience far surpassed the displeasure of law school.

I did some investigation about transferring so I could be in Boston. I considered Boston College. The idea of transferring was stopped abruptly when Andrea offered a point of consideration. She suggested that I figure out what my problem was--whether it was external or internal. She remarked, "If your problem is inside you, you will bring it with you if you move to Boston."

I figured that the problem was inside me. I stayed in Los Angeles and addressed the matter there.

I didn't always have the wise counsel of a friend when choosing what actions to take. Sometimes my choices were driven by the desire for pleasure or recognition or revenge. Usually my actions so driven were regrettable rather than meaningful.

How do you know when to say yes and when to say no to opportunities that present themselves to you?

It is impossible for you to do everything. First, life is not long enough for that. Second, some things require knowledge, skills, and/or inclination that you may not have. Third, some things are mutually exclusive--that is, to do one thing excludes some other.

While you can't do everything, there are many opportunities that you can seize. Too many to fit into one lifetime. From among the many, many options available to you, you must choose. Whatever choice you make is a decision that the action or activity is important enough to give up your limited time. Once the time is spent, you cannot get it back.

To determine if your time--i.e., your life--is well spent, you must identify what you are getting in exchange.

Are you getting money? Is it enough? How much more would be enough?

Are you getting pleasure? Will the pleasure last a life time, or will you have to keep giving your life for a repeated thrill?

Are you getting recognition? Is it from someone who loves you? What good is recognition from a person who doesn't care about you?

Are you getting revenge? When you get revenge, are you really getting or are you loosing.

You should choose to maximize the impact that you have in shaping your world. You should choose in order to get the greatest joy out of life.

It would be too late to wait until the end of life to assess whether the choices you made were the best choices. Because you cannot relive your life with the knowledge and wisdom of the experiences you gained, you must develop a way of determining today whether the choices you make today are the ones that make life meaningful.

I offer four aspects of meaningfulness that you can examine when making your choices.

Growth. Ask yourself, "If I do this, will it promote my growth and development?" Every living thing is growing and developing. When it stops the development process, it starts dying. If what you choose to do is not leading toward your growth, it is pushing toward your demise and will not make life meaningful.

Connection. Ask yourself, "If I do this, will it promote connection with the people around me and my environment? Will it establish or nurture mutually beneficial relationships?" Your relationships with people add a significance to life that your relationships with things cannot. when you interact beneficially with another individual, you enhance your life and hers (or his). If this mutual benefit does not exist, one of you is using the other. The used loses life with no gain.

Purpose. Ask yourself, "In doing this do I fulfil my purpose?" The possessive "my" is important here. Fulfilling a purpose does not necessarily make your action meaningful. Fulfilling your specific purpose does. Every element of creation serves a purpose. You differ from inanimate objects of the universe and other living creatures in that you get to choose whether to live within or outside your purpose. You act meaningfully when you do what you were meant to do.

Definition. Ask yourself, "Will doing this be consistent with the principles that define me and that I have adopted as my guides?" You have beliefs, standards, and principles that you have adopted. Though you may not have put them in writing, they are reflected in your actions. They define your attitudes and views--in short, your life. If you choose actions contrary to your defining principles, your beliefs, standards, and principles are empty and meaningless. If they are meaningless, so will be your life.

You can maximize the meaningfulness of your life by choosing to do that which promotes your growth, establishes and nurtures connection, fulfills your purpose, and is consistent with the beliefs that define you.

This month's message on making the moment meaningful is taken from my newly developed material on the subject. I welcome and invite your comments on its value to you.

Do you have thoughts, feelings, and/or experiences about meaningfulness in your life that you are willing to share with me? Maybe you have a question about meaningfulness. I use the information and questions to develop other messages. Write to dana@danalamon.com.

Please share this month's message with someone you care about who can benefit from it.