I left the practice of law where I handle divorces and probate matters because I was saddened by the absence of love between married couples and within the family. Once two people decided that the marital relationship was over, so was love. In fact, love was replaced with anger and hate. The two people who once pledged a life time together switched to a commitment to destroy each other even if they hurt themselves, their children, and their property in the process.

In divorcing her husband Beverly wanted the house, the property, the kids, and spousal and child support. She cut up her husbands close and broke out windows in the house. Yes, the house that she wanted.

I witnessed the absence of love between siblings when their was the issue of how to distribute inheritance. Though the law of intestate succession in California provides for equal distribution, the oldest of Kathy's several children thought he should get a greater share of the $120,000 his mother left behind. He believed he was entitled to a greater share of the inheritance because he spent more time than did his brothers and sisters caring for their mother in her last illness.

I asked the son, "When you took care of your mother, did you expect to be paid to do so?"

"No. I took care of her because I love her," he responded without hesitation.

"Then why now do you expect to be paid?" I followed up.

The son did not answer and did not let up on his effort to secure a bigger share of his mother's property for himself. His attitude and efforts caused a riff in the family that exists to this day.

I knew Kathy pretty well and am certain that what she demonstrated to her children about love is not at all what they have displayed toward each other after her death.

What is love?

Love is the essence of your being. You were created to be a source of love and to be a vessel that receives love. Loving is as natural to the soul as eating and breathing is to the body. You did not have to be taught to eat or breathe; you did them as an instinct for survival. Your instinct for survival stems from your loving yourself. You did not have to be taught to give and receive love.

Love is connection. It is your capacity and willingness to reach out beyond yourself and connect with another person or with another element of creation. When you love, the object of your love becomes an essential part of your living.

Love is giving. If love is the motivation for everything that you do, you become a giver. The result of your actions will be to give and to serve others. You act in concert with the rest of nature, which was created to give, not to hoard. Saving and accumulating material possessions are not necessarily actions outside or in disharmony with love. They are consistent with love if they are done with love as a motivation. In other words, you can save and accumulate with the motivation to give what you have amassed for the benefit of others. If you are motivated otherwise, you become a hoarder whose sole purpose for accumulating possessions is to deprive others of what you possess.

Love is forgiving. Love is not blind to flaws, faults, and wrongs done. Loves sees them, forgives them, and lets them lie in the past. Love has the capacity of cooling down anger. Love lacks the capacity to hold a grudge toward another. The forgiving characteristic of love soothes pain and promotes healing. Without love you would be motivated to put up defenses for offenses committed against you, to seek payback for pain caused you, and to return evil for evil done to you.

Love is demonstrated through action--acts of kindness, understanding, patience, and goodness. You may use words to express an emotion or a motivation, but language is inadequate to show love. Language by itself is inadequate, so words alone cannot convey love. You show love by what you do for the benefit of the person you love. Your patience and understanding reflect your willingness to be forgiving.

Love can be felt, but it is not the feeling. When you love, it may be manifested in a joyful emotion that brings warmth and causes you to smile. This emotional reaction is just a physical benefit of giving and receiving love. Love is the reason for your being what you are and doing what you do to become a part of the life of another person. That reason can be firm even if you do not feel it. In other words, love is both a matter of the heart and a matter of the mind.

Love is formless. It takes the shape of the situation for which it is called and is expressed accordingly. In a lifetime partnership, it is the will to hold to a commitment of forever together. In a business setting, it is the attention given in serving a customer. At a funeral service for a friend, it is your presence and words of comfort. In your community it is your volunteering to work at a soup kitchen for the homeless or hungry.

Love has no conditions. Conditions establish limits, and love is limitless. There can be no such thing as conditional love; hence, the term "unconditional love" is a redundancy.

Love is powerful. It has the strength to hold a marriage together. It has the bond to keep a mother and her wayward child connected. It can carry two friends through periods of disagreement. Love is a force that can withstand all forces of evil and destruction.

The power of love may cause you to resist its full expression. You also miss its full benefit. Let love flow. It is not necessary for you to control its flow. Love is self-controlling. If you are willing to follow, love will lead you to your meaningfulness.

This month's message on making the moment meaningful is taken from my newly developed material on the subject. I welcome and invite your comments on its value to you.

The message next month will be on .

Do you have thoughts, feelings, and/or experiences about meaningfulness in your life that you are willing to share with me? Maybe you have a question about meaningfulness. I use the information and questions to develop other messages. Write to dana@danalamon.com.

Please share this month's message with someone you care about who can benefit from it.